I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
