Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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