Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
