I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
this beer tastes like vomit already
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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