i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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