we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
