if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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