he puts the penis in happiness.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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