Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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