I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize