I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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