I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
