im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
