I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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