And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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