Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
