i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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