Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
