i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize