soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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