thus making me awesome and them whores
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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