I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I see more hoeing in ur future
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
