I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
