and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
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He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
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I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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