we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
