from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
