I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
