I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Damn victory sex feels great
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