Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
