Already got asked if we're dating
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
