Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
