i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize