New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
