11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
