i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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