lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
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They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?