I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
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You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
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She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.