Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
My vagina just recognized that song.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.