I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
