i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
