oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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