Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
