I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
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Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
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Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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