If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
