I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
