Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
