I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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