it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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