I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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