I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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