census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
