oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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