I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
