and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
