I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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