Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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