My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
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It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster