i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them