Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
