doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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