i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
