Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
