he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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