I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
